SamboraBlog

Believe it, says Enquirer: Britney marriage is over BY HOLLY WARREN DallasNews.com What made the cover

• "Paul McCartney BULLIED -- by one-legged wife!" (Globe)

• "DaVINCI CODE... What's TRUE... What's NOT... PLUS: Boycotts, bans & book burning" (The National Enquirer)

• "REDNECKS SHOOT DOWN SAUCER!" (Weekly World News)

Insert Federline lyric here -- if you've ever heard one

• "BRITNEY MARRIAGE IS OVER! --insider says... Mother's Day blowup is the final straw" (The National Enquirer)

A more convenient truth

• "OXYGEN GARDENS... Grow some plants and save the Earth!" (Weekly World News)

Mine won't even clean the dishes

• "Dishwasher pump keeps woman ALIVE! She's waiting for a new heart" (Weekly World News)

Love quadrangle, er, pentangle

• "Hollywood divorce shockers! Charlie (Sheen) TO DEMAND paternity test! --say sources... Is Richie Sambora the real father of couple's child?" (The National Enquirer)

Step 1: Watch less 'Survivor' and more 'Oz'

• "Richard Hatch's PRISON SURVIVAL GUIDE... From paradise to cellblock hell!" (The National Enquirer)

What the Kiwi gossip mags say

Whether it's breaking a diamond-studded heel on the red carpet, being caught hungover scoffing burgers and shakes or having a badly-timed wardrobe malfunction, there's nothing better than seeing a well-known celeb stuff up in full view of the public.

This week's gossip mags are full of stars having shockers for the viewing pleasure of us plebs, and they're guaranteed to warm the cockles of your heart.

New Idea gets out of bed early this week to catch new mum Katie Holmes disgracing herself twice. That's a minor miracle when you consider how many Scientology minders, public relations experts, bodyguards and alien beings - sorry, that's Tom Cruise - surround the pair.

One of NI's photos shows Holmes' recently-deflated belly bearing signs of stretch marks. While that's forgivable - she just gave birth forchrissakes! - being seen in public with your maternity bra exposed isn't. Do a few more buttons up on your shirt Katie, there's a good girl.

Woman's Weekly, meanwhile, hits pay day with its fantastic photo montage of Britney Spears almost dropping wee Sean Preston while leaving the Ritz Carlton hotel in New York. Sadly, it appears she was busy trying not to spill a gin and tonic in the other hand.

After catching Sean just inches from the pavement, Britney yelled "that's why I need a gun" at the surrounding paparazzi. Luckily she only had a glass at hand, otherwise K-Fed would be raising Sean Preston on his own while mummy spent some time in jail. White trash nirvana, here they come.

Woman's Day unfortunately comes a distant third in the photo shame game. The mag has too-cute pics of Rod Stewart with his baby son dressed as a sailor, and of Uma Thurman sharing a slide with her son Roan. Look elsewhere people, there's no bum rash or nipple slip here.

But WD turns things around with pics of Angelina Jolie wearing what appears to be a tent-and-handkerchief combo outfit, and of Sarah Jessica Parker wasting away a la Nicole Richie. Is that Sarah's collarbone or did she swallow a rake?

Also hitting the headlines this week:

Both WD and NI cover the year's biggest celebrity baby - that's Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt - but with Angelina inconsiderately giving birth after deadline, the mags have played a dangerous guessing game. Both correctly predict Shiloh is a girl, but they incorrectly guess her name as either 'Naledi' or 'Katiti'. Come on - that's just being silly.

WW takes its life into its hands by visiting Lucy Lawless at her Los Angeles home. The former Xena actress' son Judah let the family's pet snake out late one night, and she hasn't been able to find it since. "Judah used to do terrible things," Lucy says. "Once we found him sitting naked with the snake on his lap." At least he didn't release the family's pet tarantula.

Denise Richards is still dating Richie Sambora, says WD, despite last week's report that Richie dumped her live on stage during a Bon Jovi concert. The mag has pics of the pair cosying up on an Italian beach, and quotes a source as saying "they're in love". But Richie needs to invest in some sun screen - he looks like an overcooked lobster.

Finally, the quote of the week comes from a young actress who met bad boy celeb Charlie Sheen on dating website Millionairematch.com. "We dated for a month," the unnamed woman tells WD. "He's such a perv. He would ask me to dress up, like, in pigtails and schoolgirl outfits ... he's definitely into young girls, you know, like 18, 19."