SamboraBlog

To love and marry in L.A.

While Jennifer Wilbanks ran from the altar, others are rushing to it. When Bridget Jones star Renee Zellweger got a quickie hitch just recently to country crooner Kenny Chesney on the beach in the Virgin Islands, I got flooded with questions in quite the opposite vein from the previous week when the runaway bride took flight: Why do people rush to marry?
Romance can fuel impulsivity that in turn gives you hot – not cold - feet to fly down the aisle. Being drunk with desire makes you willing to proclaim undying devotion. Time gets suspended, where the present melts with the future, so the thrill of the moment promises a lifetime of bliss.

This impulsivity and timeless illusion becomes exponential in Hollywood, where stars fall in and out of love, as if in movie roles. Playing lovers on screen conditions stars to act out similar real life scripts.

"Being married in L.A. is measured in dog years," says my good friend and Celebrity Justice reporter Jane Velez Mitchell. Dog years measure one to seven.

What else explains the fast surprise union of the Cold Mountain actress and the chart-topping country singer?

The first factor that comes to my mind applies not only to the celebrity couple but to real people: where they meet. Zellweger and Chesney met at a tsunami fundraiser in January, just post-disaster. It makes perfect sense that they would fall in love at an event like a Concert of Hope, meant to open people's hearts and express caring in such a big way. We all know from the experience of the tsunami – as do I, from being in Sri Lanka doing mental health relief -- as well as from other tragedies, how the magnitude of such an event can bring people together in deep compassion. Similar urgent bonding – resulting in some marriages -- happened after 9'11.

As I always point out -- when people ask me where to go to meet The Love Of Their Life -- the best locations are where people's hearts are open. That includes places on my list in "The Complete Idiots Guide to Dating" like weddings, baby christenings or circumcisions, and even funerals, where deep emotions are triggered, and people look into each other's heart rather than at their pocketbook or physical attributes – the typical, more superficial criteria for attraction.

Couples I know have met at a wake or funeral, and are still married years later.

Involvement in humanitarian efforts, as well as family affairs, has been rumored as factors in Brad Pitt's attraction to his Mr. and Mrs. Smith co-star Angelina Jolie – she a devoted mom and United Nations goodwill ambassador, and he a father-wannabe and missionary to AIDS-ridden Africa for singer Bono's organization who has said he admires Jolie for doing something that matters.

Rehab is another common place triggering seemingly odd couplings – as people bare their soul and share secrets they would never otherwise tell. Elizabeth Taylor and ex-husband carpenter Larry Fortensky met in rehab, and married – only to later find out they were not really compatible.

Want to make a woman fall for you, especially if you think she would never notice?

Adore her. As mothers are prone to say, the man should always adore the woman more than the other way around, since males are more prone to stray. Chesney certainly could have captured Zellweger's heart with his public announcement of adoration, evident, too, by his penning a song "I Loved You From Hello" after the line she said in the 1996 movie "Jerry McGuire" where she starred opposite Tom Cruise.

What are their chances? I was asked that question on CNN Headline News' Showbiz Tonight by my friend A.J. Hammer, co-host of the show.

In their favor: they're both over the 35-year old mark, making them prone to settle down. But they've both never been married before, making challenges inevitable. Furthermore, they're both on the rebound – he from a broken engagement and she from her on-again off-again relationship with White Stripes singer/guitarist Jack White – a warning sign if feelings from recent break-ups go unresolved.

The attraction between musicians and actresses is not uncommon, with some happy pairs currently presenting positive role models. Gwyneth Paltrow married Coldplay frontman Chris Martin; gorgeous "Lord of the rings" actress Liv Tyler (Aerosmith Steven Tyler's daughter) just passed a two-year anniversary with Spacehog frontman Royston Langdon (a nice guy I interviewed on my Z100 LovePhones radio show); and adorable Kate Hudson, Goldie Hahn's daughter who (ironically) won a Golden Globe award for her role as a groupie in the "Almost Famous" movie about rock stardom, considers herself blessed after four years with husband Counting Crowes frontman Chris Robinson (whom I also interviewed on LovePhones). All three -- Kate, Gwyneth and Liv -- have new babies whom they are cherishing.

On the plus side, rock frontmen and their leading lady loves (the choice Kate, Liv and Gwyneth all made) have enough similarity in their lifestyle -- performers taking center stage -- to facilitate understanding, yet enough difference to prevent direct competition that often spells trouble for couples. And while rockers have groupies lusting after them, they don't have love scenes that are ever so commonly a reason for break-ups when co-stars fall in love.

On the minus side, bands and movie roles – unlike 9-5 jobs – are unpredictable, that could create tension individually and between partners.

The wilder the rocker, the shakier the marriage. Bad boys are attractive, but some women eventually come to their senses – like Heather Locklear who left wildman Tommy Lee for more stable Bon Jovi guitarist Richie Sambora (another nice guy, I know, from interviewing him) with whom she seems very secure and happy. That Renee traded her rocky romance for a country singer could spell similar success, since country singers are generally by nature more heart-centered in their tunes about love and broken hearts.

Being a homebody and staying out of the limelight and party scene adds to a better prognosis. Hudson, Tyler and Gwyneth and their respective spouses all seem family-centered now, with Hudson even admitting how she loves being at home with her hubby, cooking and knitting while he watches TV and writes.

Hollywood's examples, from the Showbiz Tonight segment, spell shaky odds for rushed nuptials, with some major disasters balanced against few long-term successes. Britney Spears' quickie Las Vegas hitch to childhood friend Jason Alexander was annulled after only 55 hours. Another Las Vegas rush job, Nicky Hilton lasted only three months with money manager Todd Meister. J.Lo had a quickie with ex-hubby Chris Judd, though her fast rebound from Ben Affleck with current hubby Marc Anthony still survives despite tabloid-rumored trouble spots. On the actress/country musician front, Julia Roberts and Lyle Lovett lasted less than two years; yet (I'm delighted to see) Lisa Hartman and Clint Black stand out as happily going the distance.

Normally, I recommend taking a minimum of six months to get to know an intended spouse, spending as much time as possible sharing as many married-life-like responsibilities, to know if you're really compatible. Watch how they treat family, friends, finances, kids, co-workers, and even pets as a sign of their character.

For now, Chesney is under the rose-colored glasses spell, feeling like "the luckiest man alive" to be so in love with someone "so perfect" for him that he finds it, "hard to imagine that I'm not going to wake up." Such enthusiasm prompted Showbiz Tonight's A.J.'s line at the end of our rush wedding story, that "Zellweger's next movie is called Cinderella Man but it sounds like she has met her Prince Charming."

If the newlyweds overcome the challenges inherent in a rush to the altar, they have a chance for a happy ending.

Originally published on May 17, 2005